The red in the body of the essay represents the editors' comments or a rewrite of the student's sentences. The comments in blue in the right column are more detailed observations & recommendations.
| Hi Kate! Our goal at EssayPlus
is twofold: to help you write a good college essay and to help you
become a better writer. long sentences with several interrupters or parenthetical phrases. For example: When my fellow group members elected me into this demanding position, although I felt enormous pressure to impress my peers and facilitators, (interrupter) I was extremely honored to know that my peers held me in such high regard. Few word are better
than many. Examples:
I consider my self.
Use I am instead |
My heart pounded with
anxiety upon my return
when I returned to the rolling, luscious hills of the White
Mountains, where I had spent many memorable hours
during my junior year. Flashbacks
of memorable moments filled my conscious with a glimpse at the laughs,
tears, and friendships from my junior year, which now resides in my past.
As we got closer to our destination, I had flashbacks
of funny moments, snatches of conversation, and tearful good-byes, from
that former trip. The senior class of 2002 including myself,
(not the entire senior class, surely!) I was part
of the class of 2002 leadership team had arrived to spend a
full week together in leadership training, arriving
to spend a full week in leadership camp. hopes of a strong start
for our upcoming year in hopes of having a
strong start to the coming school year.
The entire class was divided into individual groups
of 12, each with an adult facilitator, to
participate in activities, that we hoped, would be challenging and rewarding.
to participate in this week of unexpected challenges and triumphs.
The first 3 days of the workshop proved to be a very demanding and exhausting
experience. (Give details) On the fourth
day, however, I came to face my own was presented
with my own personal challenge; serving as the facilitator and
leader of my group. Unaware of what the activity would bring, In the course
of that challenge, I experienced a spiritual epiphany, which continues
to make have an impact on my life every day since to this day. (You
need to explain what this epiphany was.)
Being placed in charge, I assume My experience was slightly different
from anyone else in the group, because I was in charge. When my fellow
group members elected me into this demanding position, although I felt
enormous pressure to impress my peers and facilitators, . . . . . . .
. . . .
